wow...last entry, i just ended school, and now i'm starting school...

anywaise, college life is just CRAZY!!!!! i didn't even start classes yet, but i feel so stressed out and burned out already.   it's really weird...i guess it's just all the scheduling and planning i have to do. since i'm in the special dual degree program, i have to plan all 5 years of my undergrad studies! (yep, 5, an extra year for me! ) yikes! and that includes summer school. yesterday was when we registered for classes, and it was so hectic. but i'm glad that i got it all done. so i think i have finalized my college plans for the next 5 years! it took many long hours of talking with my adviser - registering for classes is supposed to take no longer than 30 minutes, and my mentor and i worked on my classes for this quarter for 2 1/2 hours! argh...northwestern is so complicated...

oh, and northwestern is WAY too big...i get lost walking around campus at least 10 times everyday! i thought that i would get used to northwestern by the end of my first week here...but sadly, no. i'm probably gonna still be walking around with a map in my hands at least till midterms. i am such a stupid freshman.

one good thing about my college life is my dorm. my room is HUGE! it's so roomy...i love it! i have more than enough space to store all my belongings. i'll post up some pictures later...right now i have no camera. *tear* and i got my laptop working, with internet and everything!!! i got the internet working today, so i'm so excited. it's super fast, not like my super slow connection at home.

and my room mate is really nice. her name's allie keller, and she's all the way from massachusetts! we seem to get along...but our schedules so far have prevented us from seeing each other very much. i always have meetings whenever she doesn't, and vice versa. but we have no problems, and she seems very open and caring. so that's always a good sign, right? haha....

well, i finally have my class schedule for this quarter. i won't be free until thanksgiving *pout* but my schedule isn't too bad, actually. although i do start at 8 every morning...but all my classes are in the morning (except chem labs on wed. afternoons) and i have orchestra in the afternoon twice a week. not bad, right? i actually am looking forward to this school year. college life may be stressful, but it's lots of fun! the people here are really, really nice, especially the people in my dorm. and it's an all-girls dorm, too, which is really nice cause there are no smelly guys. (haha, j/k).

alright, i gotta go now. i need to tidy up and do some reading for tomorrow (yep, i already have a little homework, but it's just reading for our president convocation meeting tomorrow). i miss you guys!

SCHOOL IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

wow, i can't believe i'm done with high school...and now i'm off to college! it still really hasn't hit me, all this graduating and moving on...it probably will hit me like a ton of bricks in the next few months...

but as i reflect on the past year and the past four years that i've been in high school, there's only one thing that i can say to conclude my high school years: God is good! honestly, i don't know what would have happened to me if God hadn't been there for me...He gave me times of great joys and triumphs, things that I totally did not deserve at all...He gave me my darkest times of sorrow, times when i felt hopeless and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel...but through it all, God has been so good...He continues to watch over me...honestly, i think i shouldn't even be alive today because i'm such a horrible sinner...but God has been so good and faithful...

i learned so much during these past four years...it all started freshmen year when my mom suddenly had to leave and go to korea for over a year...that was probably the darkest time of my life...many tears were shed and many prayers lifted up...and God has been good...He always comforted me and reminded me of His goodness and faithfulness...i had times of doubt but He always reassured me that He was with me always...wow, such an amazing God we have!

and all throughout high school, i also realized the power of sin...i saw how prevalent sin is in our society and learned more about the sinful nature of man...i learned more about sin these past four years than during the early years of my life...but i also learned of how powerful God is and how He can overcome sin...

yep, i've been going through MANY reflections the past few weeks...high school feels so overwhelming that when it's over, you feel so different...i have so much more free time now, so i've been reflecting a LOT (as you guys can probably tell...haha)

but this is really one of the most difficult transitions in my life...high school graduation feels so much more emotional than 8th grade graduation, because you're leaving all your friends and your securities, and you're heading off in the big world all alone as an adult...but i know that God will always be by my side...i hope that you guys will always remember that (i'm so forgetful that it takes a moment like graduation for me to remember that truth...)

well, i don't have much else to say...if you guys are noticing that i'm writing this at an insane time of day, yes, i have been up late these past few days...but i've been a little busy...right now, i have to prepare for graduation and for my upcoming italy trip!!! i can't wait to go to italy...i will be gone june 16-27, performing and touring in abruzzo and rome...i will bring back souvenirs for everyone, i promise (and lots of pictures) but i will miss you guys! alright, take care now! enjoy summer!!!

hello everyone!!! it's been a long time...

anywaise, not much is going on right now...just trying to survive my second semester of senior year...yep, stevenson makes sure seniors don't slack off by giving us more work to do, more forms and senior surveys to fill out, more tests to complete...funny, but it almost seems as if i'm a lot busier now than first semester...*sigh*

but i guess it's not really all that bad...after all, i'm almost done with high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  however, on the other hand, i'm going to hear from my colleges in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!! the final tense moments are coming...my mother's already feeling the pressure and anxiety building up in our family...she seems more nervous about the whole college process than me...heehee...

anywaise, here's what i've been doing the past few months (after storing up pictures in my camera for months, we finally relocated our cord, so i feel like putting up a mini update of my life because all of my entries have no visuals...wait, that sounds kinda pathetic...)

at the IMEA all-state competition january 25-28 (while all you carmelites were at the post-retreat worship and ski trip...i can't believe i missed out!!!  )

my roommates eugenia, meg, and i taking a lunch break after our 'awful' auditions...haha, i thought for sure i would get a horrible seat in the orchestra because my audition was absolutely terrible...God was gracious and kind; He gave me a seat that i definitely didn't deserve! God is good!

eugenia, meg, and audrey at joe's crab shack the last night (i was taking the picture)...the food was sooooooooo good...we overstuffed ourselves (and when we went back to the hotel meg and eugenia ordered three huge pieces of ice cream cake...i was about to die!!!)

the whole 'gang' at the fancy breakfast restarant in the hotel...but they had horrible service...oh well   it's christina, hyunjin, meg (with her camera), audrey, some guy who was eating all by himself (we all felt bad because his friend had ditched him, so hyunjin asked him to eat with us), and eugenia (again, i was taking the picture - i sat in the empty chair)

alright...enough about peoria...the next pics that i found were from our school chamber concert feb. 12

here's my groupie...eddie (our cellist), me, hyemin (our principal cellist), phil (our violist), and byron (our other violinist)...our principal violist, stephen, left before we took this picture...

here's us during the concert...it's not a very good picture, though...

well, these are some of the pictures that i found while rummaging through my digital camera...it seems as if i'm behind at so many things in life...i'm so pathetic...just kidding!

ok..i hope that everyone else is doing well...the school year is almost over, so hang in there guys...and hang on to your lent commitments...my lent has started out rough, but God is good and He has always helped me, and i know He will help you too ...so don't give up guys! i'm praying for you guys! take care, and i'll see you guys soon...

p.s. don't worry, things at school are getting much better...thanks for all your concerns!

happy late new year, everyone!!!

wow, it's already been two months since i last updated...i'm pathetic, aren't i? heehee...

anywaise, FINALS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooooooooo.....happy...i feel like this  ...although i don't know if i did well enough to get good grades...oh well, the stress and trauma is over...but they were also my very last high school finals...aww, so sad...but i still have college finals to look forward to... and those ap exams in may... *sigh*

but i'm not sad...just a little anxious for the rest of senior year and college, i guess...heehee...just like my friends say, i guess i will always find something to worry about...wow, i'm more pathetic than i thought...just kidding

well...to update on my previous entry, journalism is getting better....she finally understood that i couldn't handle all the work she was giving me...and so she gave me hardly anything at all...that just made me feel useless and worthless...but then she gave me another little story to do...so it's not that bad anymore...now i feel that i can handle the workload she gives me with the time i have...God was gracious and showed her my situation...God is good!!!

i dunno...not much else to say...oh, the retreat was AMAZING! it was awesome right from the first day...when pastor robin koshy told us what his sermons were going to be about, i just sat there in shock because the points that he was going to talk about were all the issues in my life that God had placed on my heart...i had prayed about those issues ever since last year...last year felt a little dry to me, like God was answering all of my prayers with "Wait, Carol, my answer will surely come" and He did answer all my prayers...through this retreat! i was so blessed...God showed me all the things in my life that were not right with Him and things that i needed to change...i realized that all i had been doing before was running away from my situations and not turning to God for help but to others and myself....that God was trying to reach out to me but i kept running away...that i had been acting foolishly and selfishly...that i had started the year off strong, but then i just went downhill from there and kept going down...it's funny how it's when we are at our lowest of lows that God reveals the most to us...needless to say, i felt changed by God...i prayed so much at the retreat, and i feel ready to start a new year! i even made some resolutions and promises to Him for this year...but that's why i feel so sorry for you guys that had to go home...honestly, our hearts went out to you...we knew that you guys really needed this retreat...but i hope that despite all that went on, God still blessed you tremendously...because God is truly amazing...

alright, that's all for now. i'm so sorry that i wrote so long...i have a tendency to do that, if you guys haven't figured that out already...heehee...well, if you guys have finals coming up, hang in there...stay strong! remember that God is with you all the way! God bless!

wow...it's been a while since i've updated...and it's really late...that's not surprising... 

well, not much has been going on...just trying to barely get through senior year...but right now i've come upon a major crisis. it's about journalism. so, this year, because of my crazy scheduling, i don't have lunch since ap french is only offered 4th period, patriot orchestra is only offered first period, and ap science classes are only offered during lunch hours and they're one and a half periods, and newspaper is offered only during sixth period. so, my counselor and i decided that i would go to newspaper for the first half of sixth (6a) and then i would go to bio 6b-7 period. it worked out great...for a while.

then our newspaper adviser/teacher decided to make my life more complicated by assigning me tons of stuff every issue...since i'm only there for half the class, she just assumes that i will be able to take all the stories she piles on me...and of course i don't have that much time to do them all...our next issue comes out this thursday (tomorrow), and she assigned me three big stories...if she assigned me one big story and two little stories, that might have been a  little more manageable...but that's not all, because she gives me other little parts to do...not to mention that my job as copy-editor requires that i read all the stories and pages before they're considered complete...

honestly, for me i understand our adviser, and i knew that she would do this to me, so i just go with whatever she gives me because i can't fight with her...she's so disoriented sometimes that it's hard to keep her focused if you want to talk with her about something...but it's my parents that are upset now. they're complaining about how i'm always at school late because of newspaper, how i could be saving my time by being at home instead of at school until 10 at night...frankly, they want me to either get ms. thill to reduce my workload or just quit. my parents have had issues with our adviser for a while now because of the way she treats me...my mom was especially upset at her. yesterday, my mom was yelling at me in the car on the way to school and said "Can't you see that she's just trying to use you? she makes YOU do all the work...why can't she assign those things to someone else?" i don't know if i fully agree on that...she has been mistreating me, but using me? i dunno...and she suspects that everytime i have to stay after school that i'm going to see her...which isn't true because i have other things to do...but that's how freaked out my mom is right now with her...

and then a lot of my friends at school are saying the same thing. they tell me, "since you're not getting any academic credit at all, why are you doing newspaper? they're never given you the front page story even though you worked on the paper for three and a half years now (which is true) and it's just pulling you down. you don't even have a lunch because of stupid journalism!"

i dunno what to do...there's a part of me that wants to quit, and a part of me that knows i can't just give up...my friends suggesting sabotaging our adviser, but i know i definitely can't do that...argh...a simple solution might be to just ask the adviser not to advise me so much stuff because in reality she is assigning me more than the other people on staff...but i can't do that...although i think this recent issue has taught her that i can't possibly catch up with everything because i kept turning my stuff in late...i tried, but it's hard for me to get everything done because my schedule is filled, unlike the other seniors on staff...but she doesn't understand and got upset at me for not getting everything done on time...*sigh*

so that's my situation right now...but as of now, i'm sticking with journalism...at least for this semester...i think...

sorry...i'm just such a mess right now, as you guys can probably tell...it's way too late for me...and i still have another paper to write...i just finished one, and i didn't want to write the other one as of yet...yep, i'm procrastinating...

well, i should finish my paper now...